My Favorite Things (part 1)

Some of you know that I LOVE "The Sound of Music".  One or two of you may have even witnessed my amazing performance as Maria in the 5th grade Watertown Children's Theater production (which was hilarious considering I can't sing even a little...)  Anyway, we all remember the moment in the movie when Maria sings to the children about her favorite things.  In her words:  "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad - I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad!"  So, I decided to begin a list of my own favorite things in my journal, and I want to share them with you: 


Babies with chubby legs
Dads who come to parent-teacher conferences still wearing their business suits
The sound of the phone ringing at 6am on a snow day, and the bliss of turning it off and falling back to sleep
Waiting until all of the books in a trilogy are released to read them so you don't have to wait to read the next one
Cards, notes, and letters that are not electronic
Vitamin Water
When my 3 year-old neighbor shouts "Good morning!" out his bedroom window while wearing his Buzz Lightyear pajamas and rubbing sleep from his eyes
When you're doing yoga or stretching and you crack that spot where all your tension is and you feel that amazing release
Discussing a good book
The first day of school (and Back-to-School shopping)
When the Dunkin' Donuts worker knows your (complicated) order by heart
Finding a parking spot at the mall on Black Friday
When the digital clock reads a palindrome
When a stranger compliments your outfit
The freedom that comes when you admit that you're bad at something
When you're on vacation and you lose track of what day it is
When you overhear someone saying something nice about you
The part in "The Sound of Music" when Captain VonTrapp is singing Edelweiss and gets choked up, and Maria steps in and sings with him
A jumbo Diet Coke at the movies

When a stranger smiles at you
Little Miss Match socks
When you see a child and it's obvious she picked out her own outfit
Remembering a time when you memorized phone numbers
When your favorite author writes a new book and you pre-order it on your Kindle so you have it the second it is released
When you try to read slowly because you don't want your book to end
Metaphors
When you go into Target for body wash and somehow end up spending $100 on things you didn't know you needed
When you cut yourself shaving and you're annoyed until you remember you get to use a Hello Kitty band-aid

When it's raining and you get to wear your super cute rainboots
The first day it's warm enough to wear flipflops
When you plan your entire outfit around your shoes
When someone says exactly what you need to hear
When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, but you know it's out of love and concern
When you're in an argument with someone and you start laughing because you realize that what you're saying is absurd
When you go to get a baby out of a crib and she reaches her arms out for you

What are your favorite things?

Love,
Kara

Magic Wands

I sit across from my nutritionist.  I have just finished eating whatever that day's torture happened to be... I don't remember what it was now.  Could have been a cookie, a smoothie, a Lara bar, maybe even an entire lunch - anyway, what it was doesn't really matter, because the guilt is always the same.  The voice in my head is screaming a battery of insults and degradations.  I feel like I want to run, or cry, or never eat again, or a combination of the three.  But then my nutritionist starts waving her hand around in the air.  At first I think she's a little crazy, but then she smiles and proclaims, "I have a magic wand!"  I smile too, then, and start to feel a little better.  She continues:  "I'm erasing your guilt.  You are worthy.  You are worthy.  You are worthy.  You are deserving.  You are deserving.  You are deserving."

"I'm erasing your guilt."  If only someone had the power to do that for me.  To take all of the irrational, self-loathing, illogical thoughts out of my brain and simply make them cease to exist.   Erase them.  Then where would I be?  I could eat because I was hungry or because I felt like it, rather than having food dictated solely by what it says on my meal plan.  I could stop counting exchanges (and calories).  I could stop berating myself with every bite.  I could believe that nourishing my body and my mind is natural and good and okay.

My nutritionist is away for a couple of weeks.  Of course, she gave me her magic wand to borrow while she's gone :)  It got me thinking.  Maybe I need a magic wand of my very own...

Remember at the end of "The Wizard of Oz", the moment when Dorothy realizes that she had the power to get home to Kansas all along?  What she needed wasn't actually to see the Wizard at all; the fact was, she had all she needed inside herself.  Sure, she had some help from the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Lion, and of course (the sparkly, pink) Glinda.  But as much as they loved her and wanted to help her find her way home, ultimately she needed to discover her own way.  Even Glinda and her magic wand couldn't fix it for her.

Maybe my nutritionist is my own personal Glinda.  She can guide me, show me another way, wave her magic wand... but in the end, I have to realize that all I really have to do is click my heels and say, "There's no place like home."  Or, in my case, suck it up and eat. 

For now, I'm going to borrow my nutritionist's magic wand and her hope and her belief in my recovery.  And soon enough, I'm sure, I will have a magic wand of my very own.  And you can bet that it will be very pink and sparkly.

love,
kara